i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
