I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
