I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
True strength comes from lack of pants
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
