My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
