Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
