Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
