pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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