Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
