Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize