my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
