i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
