I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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