I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
