I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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