i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
