She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
