dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
