Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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