rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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