Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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