is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize