Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
