I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
