i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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