ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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