Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
