She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
