it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
