what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
