I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
