After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
