She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
