Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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