I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
