I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
