Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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