We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
