Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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