my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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