just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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