Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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