my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
