I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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