Hey man sorry I got all grabby
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
