That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
