You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
