I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize