I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
