I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
