I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
