Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
