you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
