I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
birth control should be required to get into college
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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