i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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