never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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