I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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