ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
