atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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