If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
