Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
