2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Randomize
