well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
