3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize