margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
