Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
