rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
