My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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