i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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