Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
