His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
