if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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