Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
