Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
