You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
