She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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