just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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