I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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