I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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