I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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