come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
