It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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