I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
