I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
