throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
BRING THE BAGELS
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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