so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Randomize
